Anti-Taliban Kayakers and the Hundred Year Old Wagon

On Saturday, my friends, Vince and Lauren, and I went to volunteer for pre-season at the Downtown Boathouse in NYC.  When we arrived, a tall goofy New Zealand-er named Graeme greeted us and immediately put us to work.  (For those of you that are sci-fi junkies like I am, Graeme reminded me of Wikus in the movie District 9, with a lovable wackyness that makes you wonder how he ever gets anything done, surprising you, of course, when he brilliantly escapes the MNU with that weird alien goop needed to power the spacecraft -- District 9 movie review to be saved for another post).

As a preface to our assignment, Graeme explained that the Downtown Boathouse is not an establishment of "Taliban kayakers," (good to know!) but rather "equal opportunity," believing that "all women should be able to kayak with out a man."  In order to ensure that these standards are upheld, all equipment is tested on a "90 pound woman on the wrong side of 40": if she can do it, anyone can.

Now Graeme revealed our mission impossible (should we choose to accept it - which, of course, we did, since we were the newbies, and obviously subject to cruel initiation).  We were tasked with dismantling a banged-up old set of lockers from the "hundred year old wagon" (complete with rusted metal wheels and handle, see below) that some guy with a "kayaking fetish" had screwed together with about a million more screws than necessary.

One hundred year old wagon / locker set, pre-dismantling:

So, being the good little volunteers that we are, we got straight to work unscrewing nuts and screws and getting our fingers dirty. Graeme came over at one point to see if we might need to use their new hammer drill, which he described as being a "vibrator on steroids."  Reading the quizzical look on my face after that comment, Lauren looked over at me like "yeah, you heard him right.'  We never actually needed to use the hammer drill, but I spent the rest of the afternoon looking for it so we could try it out.  (Side note:  If you know me in person, you know I have ZERO filter, and much like Graeme, say things that are wildly inappropriate way too early in a new friendship / relationship.  Sometimes I spew genius, sometimes word-vomit.   I find this quality in others particularly endearing - unfiltered thoughts are windows to the soul?)

After two hours of unscrewing and a fairly significant set-back due to some rogue bolts, we finally accomplished our task and took the lockers for a spin on their new set of wheels.  Woohoo!!  The volunteers (most of whom were pretty mean to us aside from Graeme and a few others) probably thought we were absolutely crazy when we all screamed out as the lockers lifted off the antique wagon.

Then Graeme gave us a tour of the boathouse (a little recruitment tour).  A whole slew of hilarious things were said, including: "If you find something in the water that might be used for sailing / boating, bring it out, if you find something that's more like garbage then don't bring it out, and if you find a dead body in the water, just push it round the corner under the dock."

The conversation ended with him taking a picture of his ex-girlfriend on a trike out of his wallet (??) and suggesting that I borrow it to pick up boys (he has since followed up with Lauren on whether I wanted to borrow it this weekend).  Apparently Graeme is fairly confident I will meet the love of my life by riding a trike up and down the west side bike path.   While optimistic about love, I am quite dubious about this method of finding it.  I personally think my best option is to kayak in a superhero outfit, a la whomever had this awesome poster taped to their locker:

What do you think?

The Greatest Website of All Time

Need hours of amazing procrastination?  Look no further.


As you may or may not have figured out, I am a HHHHUUUGGGEEEEE  Star Wars fan.  So I would like to share with you the greatest website of all time: Stormtroopers 365


Even if you aren't completely obsessed with Star Wars, you WILL laugh out loud at some of these.  The amount of creativity and dedication that went into this project is phenomenal.  A friend of mine said "I would like to get a beer with the guys who made this."  Well, I would like to make babies with the guys who made this.  


A few samples -- "Renewable Power of Destruction": 

"Can you read this Luke Skywalker?"

Photos from Stormtroopers 365

Impossible Things I May (or May Not) Attempt

Well, those last two posts were kind of experimental, to get me to start writing, and have little to do with the actual point of this whole thing. I imagine that, from time to time, I might write about something random, try to impose my point of view and style choices on you, my beloved unknown audience, but I'm doing this with the intent of documenting my experiences while trying to enrich my life, shake things up a bit (as a high-school boyfriend once put it: "a nice change of pace"), and maybe entertain a few people in the process. So, I'll let you in on a few contenders for the impossible things I may attempt in the next few months:

• Beekeeping - The Gotham City Honey Co-Op has beekeeping classes at the Central Park Arsenal every Sunday at 11am. My mom kept 600,000 honey bees on her property last year, but I was never able to make it out to her house to learn how to bee keep, so now that I know this is available, I'm definitely doing it!
• Flying - A good friend from HS is now a flight instructor in NJ, so I'll definitely have to get out there and take a lesson sometime this summer.
• Shooting - I'm about as liberal as it gets, but also kind of a closet gun enthusiast, so I'm planning to head over to NYC's West Side Pistol Range sometime and fire off a few rounds. 
• Kayaking - A friend and I are volunteering at one of the NYC boathouses (Downtown Boathouse) in preparation for a trek around Manhattan island at the end of the summer. This obviously requires a hell-of-a-lot more arm strength than I currently have, so it will be quite the challenge.
• Rock Climbing - A date recently took me rock climbing. Aside from being totally nerve wracking in front of a guy you like, it was a lot more difficult than I expected: the holds for your feet are TINY and holding on is nearly impossible. Oh, not to mention the immense amount of physical and mental agility it requires while still trying to make sure my butt looked cute (since he was obviously checking it out). But, as he told me, you want to try to "have sex with the wall," and I really can't argue with a sport with that description. So, I'm in. All the way.
• Sky Diving - My mom said I wasn't allowed, but I'll probably do it anyway. :P
• Biking - My ex-step-father got me hooked on motorcycles. Sadly, his relationship with my mother ended before he could teach me how to ride, but I still intend to get my license sometime.
• Dancing - A friend of mine claims he pretends he's a "stripper with a big ass" when he's dancing, and boy, if you saw him, he's nailed it. Absolute insanity. And definitely responsible for the drunken wipe-out of many a dance partner, including yours truly. However, I'd like to try a more athletic approach - take a hip hop, Latin or ballroom class for fun and exercise.
• Playing flute - I've been meaning to audition for a few of the amateur orchestras in NYC. This one may not happen right now, but eventually I'd love, love, love to do this. At the very least I should play more. Or maybe I could have a recital for some of my friends!!
• Reading - I've got a whole bookshelf full of unread books I've purchased over the past few years, so I'm going to try to read and review one book a month. This will likely commence after I've aced the GMAT, as any time not spent outside or doing something with friends is dedicated to attempting to solve ridiculously easy questions that have been constructed in such a way that completely screws with your mind.
• Learning French - As I was flipping through this weeks NY Magazine on the subway to work, I came across an add for Idlewild Books' language class - looks like fun and is reasonably priced.
• Reviewing Movies - As you already know, I LOVE movies, so I may as well share my opinion.
• Cooking / Baking - I'm going to attempt to cook or bake something new and interesting every two weeks. (open to suggestions)
• Eating New Food - Everyone who knows me is well aware that I have the palate of a five year old. Therefore I've decided to try a lot of new food and order things on the menu I would never usually order, so please comment! (In the last week of dining out I've ordered:foie gras and hamachi-both delicious-from Aureole, the bo ssam-not a huge fan of the oyster, but I ate it!-from Momofuku's Ssam bar, and amazing scallops wrapped in prosciutto over spinach at uva on the Upper East Side.)

So You Know Where I'm Coming From: A Preface to all Future Movie Reviews

I love, love, LOVE movies. I love their ability to present a world you could only dream of (or, in some cases, like most Tim Burton films, couldn't), evoke emotions you weren't expecting, and leave you dreaming dreams you didn't have before. I love that they can make you smile when you are heartbroken (Love Actually) or can creep the hell out of you when you're home alone (The Box), can make you want to vomit...when you need to vomit (Silence of the Lambs) or laugh your pants off when you need a few wacky friends to get in trouble with (Superbad).

But the very best movies take you on a journey that is truly remarkable. They employ a hero you want to stand next to and fight with for a mission worth fighting for in a world entirely unlike our own. I'm talking stories and characters for the ages, with quests so bold the they stay in our minds long after we've left the theater - Star Wars, Gladiator, Pan's Labyrinth, Kill Bill, Lord of the Rings, Ben Hur, Schindler's List, Indiana Jones.

If you couldn't tell by that list, I'm a huge fan of the action and science fiction genres. Don't get me wrong, I definitely have a soft spot in my heart for movies that make me want to fall in love, but I find that the best and most memorable stories are those that are completely out of this world. And I find that directors and screenwriters and producers have generally done a better job of bringing life to stories that are a little grander than your typical romance or comedy.

These movies succeed because the creative team was able to incorporate little bit of everything to the appropriate degree: action, drama, science fiction, religion and romance. In Star Wars (woohoo!!), for example, we've got the conflict between the rebels and the Empire (action), Luke finding out his arch-enemy is his father (drama), SPACE SHIPS!! (duh), "May the force be with you" (also duh), and the Luke / Leia / Han Solo love triangle (questionable romance). The characters are people we can relate to and want to succeed, the world is one we can only wish we lived in, the religion is fairly all-encompassing (not to mention enables you to do some pretty sick stuff), and the romance is believably witty and not too overwhelming (Leia: "I love you," Han Solo "I know"). Okay, that's an easy example. But now you know what I'm looking for in a good movie. Surprising and wonderful details that make you fall in love with the story.

By the way, the original TV spot for The Emperor Strikes Back was just posted online.  It's phenomenal, and demonstrates exactly what I'm talking about :

Forever In Love with Alexander McQueen

I am absolutely obsessed with fashion, especially when it's of the biker-/nerdy-/wild- chic variety. I fell in love with skulls and spikes and studs when I found an old t-shirt my step-father had picked up at the 1992 Sturgis motorcycle rally and reconstructed the XL into something a little girlier and sexier with laces down the sides to let a bit of skin peek through.

Now that I'm (apparently) turning into an adult, I try to keep that biker edge with me, in a classier, more refined kind of way. And England's beloved Alexander McQueen, king of biker-chic, has always been great for helping with that.

I remember my first time seeing a ruffled fuchsia ombre McQueen gown in Vogue and ever since have imagined wearing that to my wedding. (Anyone who knows me will confirm I am the crazy type of girl that would wear something that ridiculous at my wedding. Let's be honest, fuchsia definitely rings truer than white...). McQueen's death in February was completely devastating to those of us that admired his work and considered it art.

Thankfully, after a bit of debate, it was announced that McQueen's business would carry on, even with out the genius who inspired us all at the helm. Below is one of his latest pieces, which I absolutely adore. For someone with a little bit of whimsical aggression, I couldn't ask for more in a bag: a skull and crystal studded knuckle duster to accent fuchsia eel leather. Just what any girl needs to carry her lipstick and protect herself from any offensive potential suitors. Perfection!

Alexander McQueen's knuckle duster box clutch:

Knuckle duster detail:

Available at Net-a-porter.com. Retails for $1550.

Photos from Net-a-porter.com

Six Impossible Things Before Breakfast

Hey! I'm Alice. As with all new ventures, I guess it's best for one to make a formal introduction and state one's purpose:

I'm a 25 year old girl living in Manhattan, curious about the world and everything there is to explore. I don't have one specific goal in mind for this blog, such as healthy-food recipes or movie reviews, but rather a desire to share my musings on life as I try to discover a little bit more about myself and figure life out.

As it stands, I have a great job, but no idea what I want to do with my life, a fabulous group of friends, a pretty solid dating life (I think), but no leading man, a great apartment with a view of the midtown skyline, two adorable miniature dachshunds, a closet full of clothes, shoes and bags I love (materialistic, I know) and...well, I think that's just about it.

At this point, I feel I've gotten a bit mentally, emotionally and physically sedentary over the past few years. Sure, my complaints are few and far between, and I feel very lucky to be a part of all the amazing things going on in my life, but I know I won't be happy at the end of this journey if I continue on the path I'm currently following. With no idea what I want to do for the next, oh...40 or so years...and a whole world to explore, I'm aiming to try as many new things in the next year as I can, discover what passions will ignite my mind, heart and soul (not to mention what might be profitable for me) and meet new people and learn about what makes their worlds spin.

The White Queen in Alice's Wonderland quipped she sometimes "imagined six impossible things before breakfast." I hope to imagine at least a few, and maybe even accomplish them.